Mom Guilt

July 2, 2018

I was initially going to write about priorities this morning, when I woke up sleepy, blamed in on the baby and immediately felt guilty... So- 

Ya'll- what's with the mom guilt??? I discovered this 10 seconds after Stele was born ten years ago. Not only was I shocked at how much I could love a tiny person (that came directly out of my hoo ha), but I was convinced I could provide her with EVERYTHING she would ever need. All of a sudden everything and everyone else faded to the background. This was particularly shocking to me because I was the girl who thought she would return to work 10 days after birth. 10. Days. WTF??? Holy moly was I in for a surprise! Nonetheless, Stele was a high need (code word for satan in baby form) baby. She cried constantly, she wouldn't nurse, she had to be held 24/7, etc... you get the picture. I was convinced that I was the worst mother in the world. What kind of mom can't comfort their own child? What kind of mom can't breastfeed? What kind of mom gets so frustrated she cries her self to sleep? Fast forward to the birth of Stone. I was convinced I wouldn't love him as much as I love Stele- it just wasn't possible- I loved her soooooo much there wasn't any love left. I was also convinced that I had reconciled my mom guilt and I would be free of that this time around. I had decided that regardless of the insane pressure to nurse, I was going to skip that all together. It just didn't work for me. I can't tell you how many times I had to explain this position and how much guilt was involved. Anyway, when he was born I was instantly, shamelessly, over-whelminging in love! How could that be??? My love just grew perfectly, exponentially, to my surprise. Aaaannnnddd the mom guilt returned in full force. Again, I was sure I could provide him with all his needs. Just. Me. Alone. Without. Help. From. Anyone. Holy shit, I'm dense. I tried to nurse (guess what, it didn't work). I tried to do it all and I failed miserably. And I blamed myself, again. Every cold and sniffle Stone has had in his first year of life I blame on my inability to breast feed- or even pump. Wow. We live in a society that makes us believe we can do it all. Well guess what, you can't. No one can. It really does take a village. So......... here is the story. It is OKAY to need help!! Take it when it presents itself. You are an amazing mom- whether you hand-make everything perfectly from Pinterest, or you are good to get your kids pants on right. However you mom is perfect. It's perfect because you are their only mom and that's what makes you so special. 

 

 

 

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